September 12th

"Mmmm I love heartburn"-Mike

September 11th

"Sad thing is, I was expecting to get iced"-Pat

September 10th

"They're a lot different outside of work, I swear"-Eric

September 9th

"Don't worry Pat has a bottle of tequila in his car."-Mike

September 8th

"We should ice Drew"-Pat

September 7th

"Honey allergy? Does she want honey mustard?"-Jay

September 6th

"Every moment in time is like a snapshot."-Casey

September 5th

"That's it I'm unfolding all the napkins"-Pat

September 4th

"If you're using the mirror you could tell me."-Liz

September 3rd

"Thank you soo much, you made our dinner pleasurable."-Guest at table 

September 2nd

"Don't be such a two-faced bitch. That's what I took from it."-Darren

September 1st

"We'll be out by six thirty, we aren't gluttons."-Guy at table

August 31st

"Henry, you didn't call so we thought you weren't coming in"-Eric

August 30th

"I look like a friggin ghost"-Shaughn

August 29th

"That guy was nuts"-Jay

August 28th

"I just rewrote everything."-Jen

August 27th

"Its like team building and stuff"-Connor

August 26th

"Is there a chode here? I have a beer for a chode."-Darren

August 25th

"They're like a bag of chips, you open it up and its only half full"-Erica

August 24th

"Its way past last call but thanks for coming"-Bartender at Coles

August 23rd

"I don't know why they schedule soo many appointments this early in the morning."-Guy at Midway Auto

August 22nd

"39 rollups, that's ridiculous"-Shaughn

August 21st

"I love it when you stand by me when I sing. Do you get it? It was funny!"-Francis

August 20th

"I've got a funny story"-Mom

August 19th

"Come on, I've known for years that Henry D kept boys in his basement"-Mike

"I dont know which part of that is more fucked up. That he keeps them or that you've known for years."-Shaughn

August 18th

"You wanna go, lets go, let's throw down!"-Brian

August 17th

"Well they're a weird couple"-Drew

August 16th

"How do you know"-Tania
"Geez Jay, you'd think you were the chef or something"-Shaughn

"I don't care if you serve it between your asscheeks just put it on a plate"-Shaughn

August 15th

"No you're not getting it, I want to stay at home, do whatever I want, not work, and get paid for doing it"- Casey

August 14th

"He is pretending to use his phone as the other drumstick, he won't put the thing down."-Danielle

August 13th

"Why so quiet today"-Jen

August 12th

"What a weirdo"-Adam

August 11th

"I don't know which hole is right, I'm a bishop"-Dan

August 10th

"So what's the deal with that chicken"-Andrew

August 9th

"There aren't any starving children in Africa, she ate them all"-Ryan

August 8th

"Its like high school with all the drama"-Nikki

August 7th

"I'm on the second rung of the ladder and climbing quickly towards the third on the ladder of not giving a shit"-Ryan

August 6th

"Oh I'm sorry what's your name are you new?"-Phyllis

August 5th

"Like and respect are two completely different things"-Tara

August 4th

"Use your finger not your tongue. No Adam don't use your tongue it's too hard"-Rosie

August 3rd

"There you are Francis, I've been waiting for you all day. Where do you want me?"-Marissa

August 2nd

"Grapes"-Andrew
&


"You know how Pac-Man eats the ghosts? It's on the second shelf"-Chris

August 1st

"You've got hot pants and she's got no pants"-Dori

July 31st

"You were pushing too hard and I almost fell. But don't tell Dori I was telling you what to do"-Chelsea

July 30th

"He has fists of fury and I don't like the way he licks his lips right before he punches me in the nuts"-Mike

July 29th

"I feel like a five year old dance recital, but with boobs"-Elise

July 28th

"When I say don't make me get my Tommy Gun and everyone thinks I'm joking, that's my way of saying 'Shut the Fuck Up!'"-Bill

July 27th

"It didn't taste like pumpkin....wait"-Shaughn

July 26th

"What this dance needs is more mid-drift"-Steve 

July 25th

"As for the situation at the bar last night, I'm just trying to think what Barney Stinson would do"-Mike

July 24th

"Its okay, I have black friends. And you can use the word 'honky' because you have white friends"-Ryan

July 23rd

"So we can move around until we..can't?"- Michelle

July 22nd

" It's just sketchy cause you're sitting there like 'What, fuck off! I'm eating rice do ya mind?'"

July 21st

"You just gotta take the good with the bad"-Brian

July 20th

"You're riding a bus and then you get your head cut off, you're not having a good day"-Casey

July 19th

"Put some dye on the pages"- Dori

July 18th

“Remember always wear a condom”- Sr Garcia 

“But you guys said I didn't have to do that either”-Shaughn 

“Make sure to pull out 30 seconds before, just in case”-Sr Garcia.

July 17th

After making crazy faces while playing drums for Call Me Maybe- “I'm Never getting laid”-Jason (Drummer at Karaoke) “Not with that attitude”-Random Guy